Randomblings

THB just posted about something stupid (I'll summarize it for you, he loves flannel and he has no friends). However, this means I must do something to keep up in order to stay true to my mission statement: to get more hits than THB. So this is where I pretty much rip off Bill Simmons's ramblings.

Sideline Reporters

Sideline reporters are the most unnecessary aspect of sports media/journalism. Their access as a sideline reporter is actually more limited than anyone in the booth because they lack a computer or a TV monitor. Their presence has created a tradition of awful in game interviews with coaches before and after quarters or in between innings.

And I hate Craig Sager even more; oh my gosh you wear funny looking suits to disguise your abhorrent personality and boring anecdotes. I hate you Craig Sager.

This is why Erin Andrews is cool; no one cares what sideline reporters have to say. So find the hottest girls you can so people can just stare at them (side note: loyal IRNJOT reader Bennett Hayes created a blog called "Stalking Erin Andrews" where he traveled around the country going to college basketball games, almost entirely based on what games Erin was going to be at). They might as well hire strippers to do the interview so there could be eye candy and it would be hilariously awkward.


People Being Stupid

It's incredible that people still don't understand that it's rude to barge right into an elevator when people might be getting off. It seems that almost every time I'm exiting an elevator, there is someone who thinks that they are the only person in the world so there probably won't be anyone on the elevator.

People who don't use moving sidewalks when the option is available to them should be slapped in the face (same for people who take the stairs instead of the escalator). If you really get a workout by walking those extra steps, you are probably at risk of dying because you're so out of shape.

I'm always shocked when I meet someone who uses an email server besides gmail. I thought people stopped using hotmail in 2002.

Personal Preference

I always use the handicapped stall and the handicapped ramp, and people used to joke that I was handicapped, therefore I should be able to use handicapped parking spaces.

I think I want to start taking HGH. I don't play professional baseball so I don't think it would be an issue. Where does one get HGH? Sly takes HGH and it seems to work for him just fine, and he's 62.



A frozen twix might be the most delicious snack ever.

The new 10 calorie vitamin water sucks.

Gaydarbeck Gaydarbekov narrowly edges Bob Loblaw as the funniest name ever.



Even though I'm not black, it doesn't make a difference in finding Tyler Perry awful.

However, If I was black, I would be in the NBA because I have an NBA-ready game.

TV/Movies

If ABC family was anything like real life, the world would be a much happier place.

Seinfeld- A XXX Parody seems like a can't-miss idea.

Even though every Jet Li movie ends with a fight between Jet Li and the bad guy in a ring of fire, I don't care. It still works. Watch Jet Li fight the host of Iron Chef in a ring of fire here.

The Somali Pirate vs. Richard Phillips saga is the most BAD ASS real life story I have heard in years. I would pay anything to have seen all 3 pirates get one-shot sniped at the same time. They should make a reality series out of hunting Somali Pirates, like Dog the Bounty Hunter but with way more sniper head shots.

Jack Bauer is justified to torture whoever he wants whenever he wants.

Sports

The Pistons should trade Allen Iverson for Chauncey Billups.

Are we supposed to believe that ARod stopped taking steroids the exact year after he tested positive? And if the reason he took steroids was because of the pressure, isn't playing in New York the biggest pressure of all? But he stopped taking steroids then?

Andrew Gallo needs to be locked up and tortured for life.

Travis Henry is broke after having 9 children with 9 different women. Ignoring the impressive nature of such a feat, poor Travis doesn't seem to understand the predicament he has gotten himself into. After "laughing" through a skit at the annual NFL rookie symposium warning about the repercussions of irresponsible sexual activity, Travis thought it would never happen to him. He already had 3 kids with 3 different woman at this point. Luckily, he sees some silver lining: "I'm blessed not to have AIDs." God bless him.

Facebook

My facebook has essentially become a minute-by-minute update of the lives of 20 people I barely know. I find that these people who update every mindless banality of their life are either being extremely self-centered or self-conscious, or both. They either think that people need to know what they are doing at all times, or need to cover up the fact that they live pathetic lives by seeking reassurance on the facebook mini-feed.

Why would anyone care that you are going to the gym? Why are you telling people that you had a great time last night? Do you think that someone is going to read that and think to themselves, "Okay, I can take the shotgun out of my mouth because Kimberly is drinking a mai tai and watching Gossip Girl right now"? These are the only things that show up when I log on to facebook, and it's always the same people who I haven't spoken to in 4 years.

Some examples of status updates on facebook right now (Real names are used, but I don't think they read this):

Chelsea is going on a trip
-Not that I care, but you don't even give the courtesy of specifying where. Do you want people to ask you where? Are you begging for attention?

Samantha is so happy it's the weekend.
-That's great. I'm so happy that there were some frozen waffles left in the freezer this morning.

Michael is ready to rock the business presentation at 8:30!
-Again, if want people to wish you luck or ask you about your presentation, there are better avenues.

Andrew is OUT
-I hope not because we used to share a locker room shower together after basketball practice.

Stephanie is zzzz's...morning workout then work until close.
-Is that what people do? Sleep, go to work, work out? I actually really appreciate this status update because I had no idea that normal people do things like this.

Pete Roller K lot Saturday ON DECK
-I'm not really sure what this means. And fuck you Pete Roller, I know you're reading this.

Alejo thinks it's about time I get back to the East Coast
-No, no, it's not quite time yet.

I'm gonna start copying someone else's status update every single time they change it and see if they notice.

I Am Reborn

Some people measure their lives in in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, or in cups of coffee. Others measure in inches, in miles, in laughter, or in strife. I measure my life in eras of U of A Basketball. And so, the 2nd part of my life officially begins today.

This past week has been one of the most eye-opening weeks of my life for three reasons:

1. I met The Honest Godfather.

2. I went to my first strip club. It was supposedly the grimiest one in the state of Massachusetts. I've never felt more uncomfortable or more in need of a shower. I felt like I needed a cigarette, and I've never smoked a cigarette in my entire life.

3. I realized that people might not actually want to coach at the University of Arizona.

My whole life, I took the Arizona basketball program for granted. We have made the NCAA Tournament for an NCAA-record 25 straight times (Not even Duke, UNC, Kentucky, UCLA, or Kansas has done that). We got 5-star recruit after 5-star recruit, made the Final Four in '94, '97, and '01, and won a championship in '97. We were "Point Guard U" because of Khalid Reeves, Damon Stoudamire, Mike Bibby, Jason Terry, Jason Gardner, Mustafa Shakur, and Jerryd Bayless. Not to mention Sean Elliot, Gilbert Arenas, Richard Jefferson, Andre Iguodala, Steve Kerr, and Luke Walton. It was a basketball fantasyland for a fan like me.

My passion ran so deep, I created a facebook group freshman year in response to Owen Zidar's group "When I Have a Kid, I'm Going To Name it J.J. Redick" with "When I Have a Kid, I'm Going To Name it J.J. Redick and Beat Him Everyday." in order to defend my favorite AZ player of all time, Salim Stoudamire.

However, our failure to land a coach was absolutely shocking. Every AZ fan, including me, thought we were going to get a guy like Pitino or Calipari. We thought Arizona was an elite program and wouldn't accept anything less. However, we all failed to take into account the state of our team, and how tough/shitty the job might actually be. The Lute Olson departure took 3 very uncomfortable years to play out, and in the process, cost us many good recruits. Brandon Jennings, the #1 high school player last year who committed to Arizona, bolted for Italy. Our other 5-star recruit transferred to Tennessee. Our 4-star recruit forced his way out of his letter of intention and transferred to Kansas. That left us with players who do things like this (which I still consider the single dumbest play to end a game of basketball, ever-- even worse than Webber in the NCAA Tournament):

[Go to 3:50 if you don't want to watch the whole clip. But watching it all play out adds so much more, especially considering we already committed one of the stupidest fouls in Arizona history 25 seconds earlier]

Next year, we have no recruits coming in (makes sense because all year we had no idea who would be our coach- basically our Athletic Director "Schruted" this coaching search). 2 of our 3 best players are leaving (both probably lottery picks in Jordan Hill and Chase Budinger). Our only other competent basketball player, PG Nic Wise, will probably try to test the draft or play overseas. Next year would be his 4th coach in 4 years, I don't think anyone could succeed in that sort of situation. The new coach is essentially inheriting a bunch of jerseys.

But still, were the goddamn University of Arizona. It's the way of life in Tucson. There is nothing else to do in the place where the hardcore is beautiful. It's really, really hot all the time. And the football team sucks. So you'll most likely find me at the basketball game or at the movies where they put the A/C on full blast. A random Arizona basketball game in Tucson is like a football game in Friday Night Lights, or a night at Chuck-e-Cheese for the Catholic Church. The excitement is palpable.

This makes it all the more depressing when we were being spurned by every coach in the nation. Pitino? Wanted more money. Mark Few? No thanks. Tim Floyd? Sorry, but no. Tim Floyd? Really? Tim Floyd is turning us down? The guy had one of the most talented teams in the country this year at USC and barely made the tournament via winning the Pac-10 tournament. I felt like Shallow Hal and the University of Arizona was Gwyneth Paltrow. I saw something beautiful, everyone else saw a big fatty. There were rumors we almost had Oklahoma's Jason Capel, but even he wanted to stay at Oklahoma. Jason Capel hasn't really done shit either (his team, i.e. Blake Griffin, was good because Blake's older brother was already playing there-- no recruiting or coaching necessary). You were supposed to be fighting for my love.


Then a glimmer of hope came. A mysterious poster on the message boards at goazcats.com posts that Xavier head coach Sean Miller will be the next head coach at Arizona by Monday. It was his first post; he said he had it from the highest sources and could not disclose who he was. Of course, no one believed him, but he would drop little nuggets of information on the coaching search that would be confirmed in the papers the next day. This came on the day when everyone was reeling after the Tim Floyd news (Was it good or bad? No one wanted him, but he still turned us down. I feel it was more bad, because everyone saw us as the program that couldn't land goddman Tim Floyd).

His post was looking good after it was announced that Livengood (our AD) and Miller were meeting on Sunday, but by Sunday night, multiple sources had confirmed that Miller was staying at Xavier. Then people were starting to talk themselves into Utah coach Jim Boylen. Boylen was dummied in the first round of the tournament this year by Arizona and interim head coach Russ Pennell. It was at this point when I reached my so-called "nadir." I fired off the following email to The Honest Bro:

we are so desperate right now. the AZ dynasty I've known and loved ever since before I was born has literally crumbled before my eyes over the last week. at this point, with the type of coach we'll probably get, it will take 10 yrs to amass the reputation and recruits to be competitive again. this is epic

As coach after coach was turning us down, something beautiful was happening. The Arizona fan base was coming together and showing why there aren't more passionate and dedicated fans anywhere. The coaching search was absolutely consuming us. The Arizona Daily Star reported nothing but live hour-by-hour updates of the coaching search. The message boards had never been more active. Fans were writing passionate pleas to guys like Mark Few and Sean Miller, explaining how much it would mean to them if they came to Tucson. Every local news station was tracking the private planes that Livengood and Miller took to their meeting in Cincinnati, updating every minute on what could have possibly occurred. It was kind of stalkish, but it hinted at something deeper. We were saying you have no idea how much this means to us.

This shit doesn't happen at Xavier. Sure there are a million reasons to not take the Arizona job coming from Xavier. Close friend John Calipari said about Miller: "He has a potential Final Four team coming back next season, loves where he lives, has security and is paid well and has the best job in his league." But this shit doesn't happen at Xavier. Even our former players were making their case for various candidates, with Jason Gardner saying: "We're not settling are we? Arizona doesn't settle." Once again, that shit does not happen at Xavier.

How important is the college basketball coach anyways? It means almost everything. Read John Feinstein's Last Dance: Behind the Scenes at the Final Four. He really puts it perfectly. Having a good coach builds the reputation of the school, which attracts the top recruits. That's why the best college basketball schools consistently stay the best every year. Take North Carolina and Roy Williams as an example. UNC wins the NCAA Championship in 2005 and loses their top 7 scorers from that team. Surprisingly, they were still very good, due in large part to his recruiting of Tyler Hansborough. They then swept the regular season and tournament ACC titles in 2007 and 2008. They look to win the championship again tonight. Once you get to that point, you are an elite program. That's what a coach will get you. That is what Lute got us and why I never had to break a sweat about making the NCAA tournament the entire time I've been alive (until Lute got all stroke-y on us).

So it's Sean Miller. The winningest coach in Xavier history. Xavier, a mid-major school, made the elite 8 last year and the sweet 16 this year, all with players Miller recruited and coached (always the mark of a good coach). He did this while out-performing higher profile in-state schools like Ohio State and Cincinnati. There are many great things you can say about what he has done. I think the most important aspect is his age: 40. In hindsight, what would we have done with a Pitino (56) anyways? Or even Floyd (55)? This guy is just entering his prime. He can relate to the younger guys, which is a HUGE advantage when motivating your players and recruiting teenagers. At Arizona, our head coach has been like a marriage; Lute was here for 25 years and his job was never threatened. That is the way it should be for Miller. Barring catastrophe, there should be no pressure of losing your job-- this can allow Miller to work and adjust to the Pac-10 style of play.

I mean, I'm pretty sure these guys are better than anyone on Arizona right now, so I'm not expecting much. But knowing that someone understands how we, the fans, feel about our basketball team makes me happy. The fact that he is willing to take such a monumental challenge of a job coming from a perfect situation shows me that he understands that this is the fucking University of Arizona.