Sideline Reporters
Sideline reporters are the most unnecessary aspect of sports media/journalism. Their access as a sideline reporter is actually more limited than anyone in the booth because they lack a computer or a TV monitor. Their presence has created a tradition of awful in game interviews with coaches before and after quarters or in between innings.
And I hate Craig Sager even more; oh my gosh you wear funny looking suits to disguise your abhorrent personality and boring anecdotes. I hate you Craig Sager.
This is why Erin Andrews is cool; no one cares what sideline reporters have to say. So find the hottest girls you can so people can just stare at them (side note: loyal IRNJOT reader Bennett Hayes created a blog called "Stalking Erin Andrews" where he traveled around the country going to college basketball games, almost entirely based on what games Erin was going to be at). They might as well hire strippers to do the interview so there could be eye candy and it would be hilariously awkward.
People Being Stupid
It's incredible that people still don't understand that it's rude to barge right into an elevator when people might be getting off. It seems that almost every time I'm exiting an elevator, there is someone who thinks that they are the only person in the world so there probably won't be anyone on the elevator.
People who don't use moving sidewalks when the option is available to them should be slapped in the face (same for people who take the stairs instead of the escalator). If you really get a workout by walking those extra steps, you are probably at risk of dying because you're so out of shape.
I'm always shocked when I meet someone who uses an email server besides gmail. I thought people stopped using hotmail in 2002.
Personal Preference
I always use the handicapped stall and the handicapped ramp, and people used to joke that I was handicapped, therefore I should be able to use handicapped parking spaces.
I think I want to start taking HGH. I don't play professional baseball so I don't think it would be an issue. Where does one get HGH? Sly takes HGH and it seems to work for him just fine, and he's 62.
A frozen twix might be the most delicious snack ever.
The new 10 calorie vitamin water sucks.
Gaydarbeck Gaydarbekov narrowly edges Bob Loblaw as the funniest name ever.
Even though I'm not black, it doesn't make a difference in finding Tyler Perry awful.
However, If I was black, I would be in the NBA because I have an NBA-ready game.
TV/Movies
If ABC family was anything like real life, the world would be a much happier place.
Seinfeld- A XXX Parody seems like a can't-miss idea.
Even though every Jet Li movie ends with a fight between Jet Li and the bad guy in a ring of fire, I don't care. It still works. Watch Jet Li fight the host of Iron Chef in a ring of fire here.
The Somali Pirate vs. Richard Phillips saga is the most BAD ASS real life story I have heard in years. I would pay anything to have seen all 3 pirates get one-shot sniped at the same time. They should make a reality series out of hunting Somali Pirates, like Dog the Bounty Hunter but with way more sniper head shots.
Jack Bauer is justified to torture whoever he wants whenever he wants.
Sports
The Pistons should trade Allen Iverson for Chauncey Billups.
Are we supposed to believe that ARod stopped taking steroids the exact year after he tested positive? And if the reason he took steroids was because of the pressure, isn't playing in New York the biggest pressure of all? But he stopped taking steroids then?
Andrew Gallo needs to be locked up and tortured for life.
Travis Henry is broke after having 9 children with 9 different women. Ignoring the impressive nature of such a feat, poor Travis doesn't seem to understand the predicament he has gotten himself into. After "laughing" through a skit at the annual NFL rookie symposium warning about the repercussions of irresponsible sexual activity, Travis thought it would never happen to him. He already had 3 kids with 3 different woman at this point. Luckily, he sees some silver lining: "I'm blessed not to have AIDs." God bless him.
My facebook has essentially become a minute-by-minute update of the lives of 20 people I barely know. I find that these people who update every mindless banality of their life are either being extremely self-centered or self-conscious, or both. They either think that people need to know what they are doing at all times, or need to cover up the fact that they live pathetic lives by seeking reassurance on the facebook mini-feed.
Why would anyone care that you are going to the gym? Why are you telling people that you had a great time last night? Do you think that someone is going to read that and think to themselves, "Okay, I can take the shotgun out of my mouth because Kimberly is drinking a mai tai and watching Gossip Girl right now"? These are the only things that show up when I log on to facebook, and it's always the same people who I haven't spoken to in 4 years.
Some examples of status updates on facebook right now (Real names are used, but I don't think they read this):
Chelsea is going on a trip
-Not that I care, but you don't even give the courtesy of specifying where. Do you want people to ask you where? Are you begging for attention?
Samantha is so happy it's the weekend.
-That's great. I'm so happy that there were some frozen waffles left in the freezer this morning.
Michael is ready to rock the business presentation at 8:30!
-Again, if want people to wish you luck or ask you about your presentation, there are better avenues.
Andrew is OUT
-I hope not because we used to share a locker room shower together after basketball practice.
Stephanie is zzzz's...morning workout then work until close.
-Is that what people do? Sleep, go to work, work out? I actually really appreciate this status update because I had no idea that normal people do things like this.
Pete Roller K lot Saturday ON DECK
-I'm not really sure what this means. And fuck you Pete Roller, I know you're reading this.
Alejo thinks it's about time I get back to the East Coast
-No, no, it's not quite time yet.
I'm gonna start copying someone else's status update every single time they change it and see if they notice.
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