Beautiful Banker Yields Interest

Many of you might have already seen this, as I forwarded this like it was hot to everyone I know (about a large mini-van's full of acquaintances). And this has already been dissected on bigger slightly more well-written sites like Gawker.com, but I have something to add to this. David I. A. Webb was a fellow frat bro and tennis teammate. This article makes him look like a Frodo Douchebaggins; that is unfortunate. I'm not surprised at all that his post-collegiate life turned out this way. If someone had told me that he and his buddies would count up and compare how many hours they each slept a week, I would have just pointed to my "Hard Guy" t-shirt with Webb's face on it. After all, "he is a very handsome Canadian with a chiseled jaw line” (from the article, I swear). Here is what I have to add.

Preface: Webb got arrested for drunkenly stealing candy bars and ice cream from a gas station in college. Yes, he really did tell the officer he was Canadien out of nowhere. This is from the official police report:

Police Officer Schlosser:
I pulled over and asked the individual to stop. I got out of
the cruiser and walked over to him. While I was standing
there, he was swaying back and forth and dropped a couple of
candy bars he was holding. He also had in his hand an ice
cream carton....Mr. Webb's eyes were bloodshot and he had
urinated on himself.....I asked Mr. Webb where did he get
all the food and he stated at Foodstop. I asked him if he
had paid for it and he took a minute and then said,
"Yes."....I told him I got a report that the food was taken
without paying for it. Mr. Webb was quiet for a minute and
then said he wanted to go back and pay for the food. I asked
him him if he had taken the food without paying and again he
said no, but he told me he wanted to go back and pay for it
and not cause any trouble.....He told me he was Canadian and
again he stated he did not want to cause any trouble....I
told Mr. Webb that he was under arrest for Shoplifting and
Unlawful Possession of Alcohol. Again Mr. Webb stated he
wanted to go back and pay for the food. He stated he wanted
to make everything right. I told him that I was going to
search him and for him to empty out his pockets on the
cruiser. He took out his wallet and some more candy bars. I
asked him if there was anything else in his pockets before I
search him and he stated, "No". I then searched him and
found two more candy bars in his pockets....

[Thanks to Drew Dinkmeyer '04 for the report.]

And here is the official list of what he stole:

Ben & Jerry's Uncanny Cashey Ice Cream
Good Humor Ice Cream Sandwich
Good & Plenty Candy
Kit Kat
Amazing Fruit Gummy Bears
Hershey's Skor Bar
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
Hershey's Chocolate Bar
Haagan-daz Vanilla & Almonds Ice Cream

This puts a smile on my face every time I read it. Just like Shaq's Twitter. This is real-- he has confirmed this in multiple interviews. The coolest and most personable NBA player of all-time constantly updates his life to anyone who chooses to listen. His updates include this nugget: "I'm n the mia on the beach whoever touches me gets 2 ticket u have 30 min." Whoever touches him first? I hope he finds a way to stay in my life forever. Or this: "I think I just saw brittney spears, I'm not sure tho". How much cooler can this guy get-- I mean he came out and danced with the Jabberwockies at the All-Star game.



He also posts personal pictures, like these pictures of him sleeping and getting a haircut.



Maybe I'm weird, but I'm fascinated.